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These Four Walls

These four walls
Have held me up forever
Kept me safe all my life
And even when the colors dimmed
They stood so tall I never wondered
If they’d ever fall

These four walls
When did they start cracking?
How did I miss all the signs?
Now the chipping, the peeling,
The cracking, the holes
Are too far gone to repair

These four walls
Can’t stand on their own now
Can’t keep supporting the ceiling
From crashing down on us all
Their screams fill the air
But I’m too afraid to cover my ears

These four walls
I’m holding them up now
I won’t let them crash on the only life I’ve ever known
There’s nothing else for me to do
Even though I know
One day they’ll smother me


Take Away

Take away my things
Take away my pride
Take away my smile
Take away my laugh
Take away my self-respect
Take away my courage
Take away my love
Take away my happiness
Take away my tears
Take away my truth
Take away my friends
Take away my sanctuary
Take away my sanity
Take away my music
Take away my breath
Take away my soul
Take away my life

Take away everything I am but that only
Takes away my love for you


The Question

It tugs at your mind
Like a forlorn child
Begging for attention
Whimpering to be heard
But when you dare to listen
The sound grates your ears
Like a scream
That you can still hear
When you clap your hands over your ears
To stem the bleeding
But the life force drains
Down your cheeks like tears
And you watch the droplets
Drip onto the floor
In a rhythmic staccato
Keeping time with your heartbeat
As your frantic pulse slows
As your body empties its veins
And you sink to the ground
Wondering why


Time

Years
Of your life can go by
As you wait for that
One special moment

Months
Can be wasted
With procrastination
And worry

Weeks
Are lost
When you sit
And ponder the ifs and buts

Days
Gone by
When you blink
And so much is missed

Hours
Given up
To tasks that
Aren’t worth your time

Minutes
Fly by
As you stare at the clock
And hope that your adventure will start

Seconds
That can be washed away
In the sands of time
Or they can change your life


(FYI, this piece was written off a prompt for “Why are you here?” and to make it as crazy, bragging and laugh-inducing as possible. It’s a wonderful thing to do when you’re feeling down, I promise!)

Why I’m Here

Because I am 16
And I haven’t lived yet
I’m here because I have just self-published a book
And I want to sell a million copies
I haven’t seen Japan yet
I haven’t learned to ride a motorcycle yet
But I am the manager of a 50 person dining room
And the editor of a magazine with 3,000 people who read it
I haven’t seen all my friends face-to-face yet
And no one’s able to fly
And I want recognition
Happiness
Love
And peace
But I’m still trying to figure out what all that means
I’m here because my brothers need me
I’m here because my parents want me
No one can fix broken bonds yet
But I want to be the first one
And I want to see a world of peace
With no pollution
War
or greed
And I’m going to make that happen
I am here because I haven’t signed an agent
I haven’t found a publisher
But someday I want to see my title be a NY Times bestseller
I am here because I want to live
And my dreams have stopped the darkness in my heart
I am here because I have something to say
And I haven’t said enough yet


I’m proud to say this is a piece I performed today, but it’s not really a piece that I think I should record. I’m currently playing with different ways to do that, and we’ll see if I actually do or just type it up at let you act it out. :D

All Goes to Pieces

A girl kneels beside her bed
As if in prayer but not
She is staring at the blue vein in her wrist
Wondering how she got so low that she knows opening it won’t help
The house shelters her from the weather outside
Wishing it could kneel in prayer to a God she does not believe
Because it would be something more to give than four walls

But it helps the boys more
Welding the lock to their door
Not to keep them in but to keep the shouting out
The parents are upstairs
Shaking window panes and slamming doors
The house cannot keep the screaming contained
They hear it through failing walls

So the girl changes her Facebook religion to atheist
Saying “This I now know”
As the brothers lie in their bunk bed
Ashamed to admit the comfort of their solidarity
And the parents plan a vacation
That would send them each to a different corner of the country
And they welcome it

As they sit around the TV
Drowning out the wind that’s lashing the outside
The girl and the house stare at each other through the two-faced window
Both wondering if this is where it all goes to pieces


I just want to say that I was at this writing retreat today, so I’m stuck with an interesting issue–I’ve got too MUCH poetry for the blog! I really want to share them all with you, and if one of my friend’s gets his way I will post me actually performing one. (Not likely! :D ) But here is one of my first ones of today, for now.

The Story of the History Textbook

I am a parallelogram with the power of transformation
I hold a million things you have yet to learn
My world is black and white
But I know the colors of the rainbow

I know of the worlds you have longed to see
I understand the stories of a thousand men
What you would consider time travel
I call everyday life

I would tell you all of this
I would show you more
But you leave me drowned in dust
Unable to change my form

I cannot speak though I know every human word
I cannot plead with you in my own sentences
I must explain only the words of others
While you struggle to comprehend

Is that why you have left me
Dirty, untouched and unloved?
I’d beg for your acceptance
If only the letters were my own


You Wonder Why

You wonder why
She walked away
Disappearing into the world
Without one look over her shoulder

You wonder why
She felt such hate
And didn’t care
How it hurt you

You wonder why
You were so affected
When it wasn’t you
She erased from her life

You wonder why
She would punish him like that
Because you never understood
What was wrong

Darling, I can show you why
Take a gander at the mirror
And watch what you’re doing
To me

You wonder why


Responsibility

Buildup of burning frustration
Right between my eyes
Like a sharpshooter’s imbedded bullet
Spilling out from my eyes
Like a crack in a dike
But no little Danish boy can save me
By poking them out
A fist of terror
Halts the beating of my heart
And all I can do is shatter the painful silence
With a sob
Is this in anger?
No
Is this in sadness?
No
This is in reaction
To me being crushed
By the suffocating load of responsibility
You were stupid enough to think I could hold up


Perfect Poet Award Acceptance!!

Thanks to all the amazing people over at Jingle’s Poetry Rally, I have received the Perfect Poet Award for week 30 of the Poet’s Rally! Thanks so much everyone!

http://thursdaypoetsrallypoetry.wordpress.com/2010/10/08/the-perfect-poet-award-4-poets-rally-week-30/

Now, this is NOT AT ALL the kind of poem I wanted to exactly post with this award acceptance, but … it’s what I’ve got. Sorry Ji–I wrote this before I knew I had to accept the award!

Pain

Palms curled tightly
Leaving half-moons on my palms
I focus on the pain
Wait for it to fade
It’s like my count-to-ten
Sometimes it works
But other times it just makes me angrier
At you
At the world
At life
My heart constricts in pulse-stopping pain
I feel the heat burn my checks
All of the sudden
My hand wants to break your face
The horror of that
Is a numbing agent
That works for around two seconds
By then I’m yelling my voice hoarse
Even if it makes no sense because
My GOD
It feels so good to let it out
Even if I can see the whiplash
Slashing all over your face
It’s not about you right now
It’s about me
My pain
My frustration
My life
And hurting you is like a salve
I could go on for hours
Not because I want to but
Because it makes me think
You can begin to understand how I feel
Even though
When it’s all over
All I do is hate myself more



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