So I am going to do something really crazy right now and blog about my life. yes, it relates to books and my relationship with them, but not in the cut-and-dry or fangirl way I usually do. So you’ve been warned.
break up
June 20th – A Different Kind of Love
I know I wrote this whole thing about not writing dark things yesterday, but sadly my pencil decided to jump onto that bandwagon again today! Don’t even ask me where it came from because I’ve never felt this way before, but there you have it. Perhaps I will have happier messages tomorrow!
A Different Kind of Love
I wasn’t aware that love meant
Chaining me to the wall
And locking me away
Because the outside is dangerous
I wasn’t aware that love meant
Blind folding my eyes
To block out the light and the dark
So my sight would stay unblemished
I wasn’t aware that love meant
Telling me everything about me is awful
So that I would be too afraid
To share it with the world
I wasn’t aware that love meant
Silencing the truth of my heart
So I could lie to myself
That all this is good for me
I wasn’t aware that love meant
Belittling myself always
And hating my own soul
So I could love another
I wasn’t aware that love meant
Learning to stand up for myself
And let go
May 24th – Sunburned
Once again, I have no idea where the idea for this poem came from. I was sitting outside again in the most awesome sun with my mom and grandma and my mom said something about a really red sunburn. I got to thinking about what the term “sunburned” could mean and came out with this.
Sunburned
Once, I thought
That I needed your light
That I could bask in it forever
And I’d never get sunburned
–
Once, I thought
I needed all of you to grow
That your light caused me to shine
And I’d never get sunburned
–
Once, I thought
Red was only the color of love
Not related to blood or burns
And I’d never get sunburned
–
Once, I thought
That if you left I’d shrivel and die
Because I needed excessive light to survive
And I’d never get sunburned
–
Now, I know
I don’t need you to grow
And too much light is what’s
Left me sunburned
–
Now, I know
I don’t need you to shine
That your rays were just weapons that
Left me sunburned
–
Now, I know
Red is the color of pain
That it’s the color of the way you
Left me sunburned
–
Now, I know
I’m not going to shrivel and die
But I’m going to keep the scars from the way you
Left me sunburned
May 20th – Remembrance
A new day, a new poem–one, quite frankly, that came out of nowhere. The funny thing is, I’ve been reading mostly romance-y young adult novels as of late, and nothing like the setting of the poem has ever occured, nor has anything like it happened in my life … ever, let alone recently. I suppose that’s the beauty of writing!
Remembrance
I’m trying to remember
How you looked
The last time I saw you
I’m trying to remember
Your reaction
When I told you we were through
I’m trying to remember
What you said
To show that you’re lying right now
–
I don’t remember you
Crying
Begging me to stay
I don’t remember you
Apologizing
For all the hurt you caused me
I don’t remember you
Promising
You would change
–
I remember
You betraying me
Thinking I wouldn’t find out
I remember
The pain
You didn’t care I felt
I remember
Letting you go
And you running off to your “other”
–
Don’t you dare
Grovel
At my feet now
Don’t you dare
Say
You’ve changed forever
Don’t you dare
Apologize
And tell me you love me
–
I remember
You don’t mean it
My Life is a Notebook 