The Magic of Books

So I am going to do something really crazy right now and blog about my life. yes, it relates to books and my relationship with them, but not in the cut-and-dry or fangirl way I usually do. So you’ve been warned.

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June 20th – A Different Kind of Love

I know I wrote this whole thing about not writing dark things yesterday, but sadly my pencil decided to jump onto that bandwagon again today! Don’t even ask me where it came from because I’ve never felt this way before, but there you have it. Perhaps I will have happier messages tomorrow!

A Different Kind of Love

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Chaining me to the wall
And locking me away
Because the outside is dangerous

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Blind folding my eyes
To block out the light and the dark
So my sight would stay unblemished

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Telling me everything about me is awful
So that I would be too afraid
To share it with the world

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Silencing the truth of my heart
So I could lie to myself
That all this is good for me

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Belittling myself always
And hating my own soul
So I could love another

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Learning to stand up for myself
And let go

May 24th – Sunburned

Once again, I have no idea where the idea for this poem came from. I was sitting outside again in the most awesome sun with my mom and grandma and my mom said something about a really red sunburn. I got to thinking about what the term “sunburned” could mean and came out with this.

Sunburned

Once, I thought

That I needed your light

That I could bask in it forever

And I’d never get sunburned

Once, I thought

I needed all of you to grow

That your light caused me to shine

And I’d never get sunburned

Once, I thought

Red was only the color of love

Not related to blood or burns

And I’d never get sunburned

Once, I thought

That if you left I’d shrivel and die

Because I needed excessive light to survive

And I’d never get sunburned

Now, I know

I don’t need you to grow

And too much light is what’s

Left me sunburned

Now, I know

I don’t need you to shine

That your rays were just weapons that

Left me sunburned

Now, I know

Red is the color of pain

That it’s the color of the way you

Left me sunburned

Now, I know

I’m not going to shrivel and die

But I’m going to keep the scars from the way you

Left me sunburned

May 20th – Remembrance

A new day, a new poem–one, quite frankly, that came out of nowhere. The funny thing is, I’ve been reading mostly romance-y young adult novels as of late, and nothing like the setting of the poem has ever occured, nor has anything like it happened in my life … ever, let alone recently. I suppose that’s the beauty of writing!

Remembrance

I’m trying to remember

How you looked

The last time I saw you

I’m trying to remember

Your reaction

When I told you we were through

I’m trying to remember

What you said

To show that you’re lying right now

I don’t remember you

Crying

Begging me to stay

I don’t remember you

Apologizing

For all the hurt you caused me

I don’t remember you

Promising

You would change

I remember

You betraying me

Thinking I wouldn’t find out

I remember

The pain

You didn’t care I felt

I remember

Letting you go

And you running off to your “other”

Don’t you dare

Grovel

At my feet now

Don’t you dare

Say

You’ve changed forever

Don’t you dare

Apologize

And tell me you love me

I remember

You don’t mean it