July 6th – Why I Write

So … yeah. If you’re looking for optimistic poetry, give it a good scroll down. I haven’t got much lately! This one, despite the title, is no exception to that…

Why I Write

I never really asked myself
Why I write
It seemed a silly question
With a long vibrant answer

But I can’t give that today

Don’t ask my
I won’t answer in voice
But if you wait long enough
I’ll answer in words

Because that’s why I write

I can put a pen to paper
And just as easily put a mask on myself
That character there
That narrator here

They are all me

The one who cries herself to sleep
The one whose got nothing figured out
The one who always thinks they’re alone
The one who wants it all to end

Yes, the screamer is me too

I’m yelling at you, whoever you are
Wanting to be heard
Needing someone, who needn’t respond
To read my work and nod

I want you to understand

With every word, that’s what I’m doing
I’m screaming
I’m pretending
I’m begging

Today, that’s why I write

July 5th – Denial

All right, all right–I really am trying to keep up over here! I’m always writing, but I’m just not posting. Life and stuff has been busying and otherwise in the way. I suppose I can let my poetry be a testament to that.

Denial

When did this change?
When did it go from fun
To horrid?
From easy
To hard?
I don’t know
But I want to
Because I can’t take the tears

I don’t want to think
That I know why she walked out
The thoughts hurt my head
And blur my vision
With red
I’ll live in denial
Just to make this stop

Because I don’t want to understand
Her why
And I know want to understand
Her feelings
Because if I admit I know
All her reasoning
Then I’ll know my blackest dream
Can be achieved
And I could survive it
So I’ll leave too

June 20th – A Different Kind of Love

I know I wrote this whole thing about not writing dark things yesterday, but sadly my pencil decided to jump onto that bandwagon again today! Don’t even ask me where it came from because I’ve never felt this way before, but there you have it. Perhaps I will have happier messages tomorrow!

A Different Kind of Love

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Chaining me to the wall
And locking me away
Because the outside is dangerous

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Blind folding my eyes
To block out the light and the dark
So my sight would stay unblemished

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Telling me everything about me is awful
So that I would be too afraid
To share it with the world

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Silencing the truth of my heart
So I could lie to myself
That all this is good for me

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Belittling myself always
And hating my own soul
So I could love another

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Learning to stand up for myself
And let go

June 10th – The Secret

I was watching this TV show earlier, and I got to thinking of secrets and love–and how much you have to love someone to keep their huge secret(s). You always see this great love story about one person who knows another person’s secret and loves them anyway or whatever, but what about the people who share those secrets? If they love the other person, why would they share life or death secrets? There are multiple answers to that question, I know, but this is my response to one way to look at it.

The Secret

You told me a secret
And begged me to keep it
With my life
I said yes
With no fear in my heart
Because I loved you too much
For that
But now your secret
Is rattling
The bars of its cage
And screaming
Inside my mind
So much
That now I have to ask myself
How much I love you
Does my heart hold
Enough strength
To keep your secret
Locked within
Or will my love
Shatter from strain–
No
I love you
My dear
That I know truly
Though your secret’s magnitude
Threatens to kill me
I’ll keep it
But because of it
Too
I’m left to wonder
Not if I love you
But if you love me

June 3rd – Mine

Today may not be a sunny day outside, but it is inside because it’s my brother’s birthday! Even so, it would appear that my poetry today was doomed to be darker. Somewhere along the way today I was thinking about my work and how I feel sharing it with others, which is why today’s poem ended up being about possession.

Mine

It is mine

I made it

Kept it safe

Gave it food

Let it breathe

It is mine

It will hide

Block out everyone

See no light

Allow none near

It is mine

I created it

Made it shine

Let it sing

Taught it dance

It is mine

It would travel

See the world

Become most famous

But never will

It’s not afraid

But I am

So it won’t

It will stay

Love its cage

It is mine

May 29th – Hidden Rebel

Do not ASK where this poem came from because I have no idea. I just started thinking about how no one really knows the real you and how annoying it is when people are just so sure they know you and yet they have no clue. I’m pretty sure everybody’s gotten that at some point!

Hidden Rebel

I say

This is me

And you believe me

Easily

It’s hysterical

The way you think

You know me

If I showed up tomorrow

With my hair

Dyed blue

Would it shock you?

Or maybe if I

Drove up

On a Harley

Your mouth would

Drop

You don’t know me

You ignorant soul

Who thinks I wouldn’t

Dye my hair and

Gun the throttle

And leave you behind

Forever

May 21st – Caged

To tell you the truth, it took me two false starts to have this poem come out, so I guess the third time really is the charm! Not overly optimistic again today, but oh well!

Caged

The cages of childhood

Holding you in

The fledgling sense of adulthood

Beating the bars

They bind the ties tighter and you start

Screaming please don’t–

Don’t try to keep me here

Don’t cover my ears

Don’t blindfold my eyes

Don’t blackout my world

Don’t think I’m happy here

Don’t chain me here forever

But no one’s taking off the covering

Shining light in

The chains binding your aren’t

Getting any looser

You get the sinking feeling no one’s ever

Letting you out