June 20th – A Different Kind of Love

I know I wrote this whole thing about not writing dark things yesterday, but sadly my pencil decided to jump onto that bandwagon again today! Don’t even ask me where it came from because I’ve never felt this way before, but there you have it. Perhaps I will have happier messages tomorrow!

A Different Kind of Love

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Chaining me to the wall
And locking me away
Because the outside is dangerous

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Blind folding my eyes
To block out the light and the dark
So my sight would stay unblemished

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Telling me everything about me is awful
So that I would be too afraid
To share it with the world

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Silencing the truth of my heart
So I could lie to myself
That all this is good for me

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Belittling myself always
And hating my own soul
So I could love another

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Learning to stand up for myself
And let go

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June 18th – Today

Today is my birthday!!! I’m sosososososo excited I can’t tell you. 😀 But it also got me thinking–when I decided to write today’s poem early so I wouldn’t forget!–about expectations and how some people deal with them. This poem is my own personal response to the questions that started jumping up in my mind.

Today

No more waiting
Today is THE day
The day you’ve been counting down
For months
For years
And you stayed up until midnight
Just to say
Today is TODAY

But now
What do you do
Now that the wait
Is over?
Do you start the next countdown
To the next milestone
Or do you revel in today
And leave yourself hanging tomorrow?

My friends, I chose to
Love today
For it will not come again
And the feeling it brings
Is unique in your
Mind, soul and heart
And no matter what the other countdown is for
It will never be for TODAY

I’ll deal with tomorrow tomorrow
For I have no doubt
It will bring its own surprises
And I’ll great it with a smile
But today is today
And this is my moment
And I will live it
Today

June 16th – My Eyes

I was in a meeting of my Creative Writing Club today, and an idea was sparked as we were talking about the personification of eyes and what they could say. Something started rolling around in my head that turned into today’s poem. What DO eyes say about a person? Do they show the facade people try to place there? Or are they truly windows to the soul that show everything? I haven’t a clue–that’s why it’s a good poem!

My Eyes

What do you see in my eyes?
Strength I hope
And courage
Pride certainly
And life
Maybe you see
Wisdom too
And a slight hint
Of innocence
Mixed with cunning

I hope you don’t
See fear
Or loneliness
Or uncertainty
My insecurities
Should be hiding
Behind everything else
And masking
My worries
And dislikes

Eyes are supposed to be
Windows to the soul
But I hope they are not
For I am far too scared
To bear my soul
Even fully to myself
I know what I feel
Deep inside
And I’m ashamed
To share it with others

So answer truly
Do you see the facade?
Do I always seem happy?
I should appear
Ruffled by nothing
At all times, you see
Not worried or scared
Or about to cry
Never–
What do you see in my eyes?

June 11th – Enough

Today was a very long day today and I nearly forgot to jump on here when I got a break! However, I DID get on here which is the big thing, even if the poem’s shorter 😀 Today’s poem is for everyone who’s ever dealt with someone who made their problematic life your problem and expected you to deal with it all and take the blame. Eventually, you’ve got to say enough is enough or you’ll wreck your own life.

Enough

What do you want?
Me to acquiesce
To your failure
Again?
Do you wish me to say
That it’s fine
When your issues
Ruin my life
Again?
You are the late one
The confused one
The angry one
Not me!
Yet you give the problems
To me to deal with on my own
And lash out at me
When you can’t
I am done with tears
My dear
For they have never affected you
From now on
Your punishment is this:
I turn my back on you
Forever

June 10th – The Secret

I was watching this TV show earlier, and I got to thinking of secrets and love–and how much you have to love someone to keep their huge secret(s). You always see this great love story about one person who knows another person’s secret and loves them anyway or whatever, but what about the people who share those secrets? If they love the other person, why would they share life or death secrets? There are multiple answers to that question, I know, but this is my response to one way to look at it.

The Secret

You told me a secret
And begged me to keep it
With my life
I said yes
With no fear in my heart
Because I loved you too much
For that
But now your secret
Is rattling
The bars of its cage
And screaming
Inside my mind
So much
That now I have to ask myself
How much I love you
Does my heart hold
Enough strength
To keep your secret
Locked within
Or will my love
Shatter from strain–
No
I love you
My dear
That I know truly
Though your secret’s magnitude
Threatens to kill me
I’ll keep it
But because of it
Too
I’m left to wonder
Not if I love you
But if you love me

June 9th – Easy, Easier, Harder

Another poem for those with a fighting spirit! Surprisingly enough, today’s a pretty happy day for me despite the fact that it marks the beginning of a very, very long working weekend and the weather outside just won’t get sunny. I’ve FINALLY finalized (pretty much, anyways) a really big trip of mine for the end of June and I’m very exciting! But you didn’t come here to hear me gush … you want poetry!

Easy, Easier, Harder

It’s easy to be
Indifferent to you
As you scream
And threaten away
It’s easy to say
You don’t bother me
Because nothing can
And never will
It’s easy to
Cover my ears
And pretend I can’t hear you
To make you angrier
It’s easy to
Goad you into another fight
Throw a punch of my own
And not like it

But it’s easier to
Just let the tears come
And try to drown
Myself in them
It’s easier to run away
Lock myself in my room
And swear that we’ll
Never speak again
It’s easier to say
I hate you
And refuse to think
With my sense intact
It’s easier to tell myself
Life is worth nothing
So what’s the point
Of caring about anything at all

But it’s harder
To turn around
And face you
Without a shield
It’s harder to
Keep myself
From firing back
Just as hard
It’s harder to
Keep myself calm
And be the sane one
So that the fight can end
It’s harder to say
I love you
To someone who has
Hurt me

The easy choices
May make it go away
But I’ve never been much
Of a coward

June 8th – Lost

Ha! The poetry today is not necessarily dark, despite what the title might make you think. This poem only halfway rhymes, but oh well. Usually I can’t rhyme at all! 😀 I’m also not feeling all that lost today, but here is this for those who are.

Lost

I feel a little lost today

Can’t find a map that’s mine

And using someone else’s

Would be an unspeakable crime

My compass just keeps spinning

The needle won’t be still

Even when I try to hold it

With my own will

My GPS has gone to static

Its screen completely dead

All remembered directions are gone

Even from my head

There’s nothing else to do now

But start walking a random way

And hold some faith in my heart

That I’ll make it somewhere someday

June 2nd – The Star

I’m really late posting today, but that’s because today was pretty busy. I’d like to say thanks for everyone’s comments on my previous poems! Hopefully, I’ll write some more stuff that’s actually worth reading :D. That said, today’s poem is also really short. It’s for everybody who’s reaching for a dream that people say they’ll never achieve.

The Star

I’m reaching

For the highest star

The one that holds the key

To Neverland and beyond

I can feel the heat

On my fingertips

But I just can’t reach it

You laugh when you see me

Straining on my tip-toes

And you ask me if I think

The star will fall

Because that’s the only way

I’ll catch it

I’m not stopping

I’m still reaching

No matter what you say

Because just the sparkling warmth

Of being so close

Is enough to keep my dream alive

And a smile on my face

The Idea of a Journey

I finally decided what I’m going to write about and, if you’re a writer or just like to read what I write, I think you’ll enjoy it. I’ve decided to attempt writing one poem a day, every day, starting TODAY. My poems may be painful to read at times because I’m a horrible poet usually, but that’s what this is about: a journey to improve a skill I normally avoid. Feel free to join in on your own–it’s going to be a fun ride, whatever the outcome! So, here’s today’s poem:

The Idea of a Journey

 

One foot out the door

One foot inside

This idea on my mind

Could be the death of me

It’s a scary thought

This journey of mine

But I refuse

To be left behind

Take a step

Take a breath

Pack your bags

With supplies and courage

No matter where we go

We’re going to need it

And there you go–one disasterous poem off the top of my head. Can’t wait to see what will inspire me tomorrow! (And, hopefully, produce a better poem!)