So this video is kind of long and wonky, but that’s what happens when you’re rusty. I have since fixed the problem with my video editor. It took a tech team. No, I don’t know why. Let’s move on.
I cry near the end here. Whatever the quality, the content is important to me. Listen, I’ve been keeping it real this long and I might as well keep it that way. This is the story of the impact of depression and money struggles–with a happy ending!
This book is an incredible intersectional story about a Jewish African American girl who may or may not be bisexual with a white step-brother recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It also has some issues with bi and pan representation. Watch to see!
So, today’s From the Notebook segment is a bit of real talk. It’s about one of my coping mechanisms for when I’m depressed and anxious, but why this doesn’t exactly mean that I’ll be reviewing a lot of stuff until I get some down time to myself. I also talk about some of my TV obsessions, though I will admit that by the time I got around to making this post, I finished Covert Affairs. Whoops? Enjoy, and hope y’all are doing well and happy.
Void
It would be easier to say
I’m tired of feeling such soul-shattering sadness or
Holding in a horrid degree of hate or
Crying acid tears that tear open my flesh to the soul
I wish I could scream
That my heart is being torn apart
By fiery rage or mind numbing fear
But this is not the case
It is harder to admit
That I am being consumed by
The black hole of bleakness
That comes from being unable to feel at all
Pieces of Me
You see me as the girl
High above you in the sky
Dancing on the clouds
Laughing
With my face turned ever towards the sunlight
Well
Let me tell you a secret
That girl isn’t real
She’s a ghost
Only half of herself
But yes
She’s me
See
Let me tell you a story
I fell from the clouds
Long ago
No one reached out a hand
And its fine
I wouldn’t have taken it anyway
Here
Let me tell you what happened
I shattered on the stony ground
Losing myself in a million pieces
I laid there under the pouring rain
Until somehow I found away
To pick up what was left
Well
Let me tell you a secret
I didn’t get them all
I left bits to dull in the dirt
Now I can’t fly as high because the sun hurts my eyes
It’s a cycle now
The flying, the falling, the failing
And every time I lose a little bit more
Underwater
Last time I saw you
You dragged me down with you
Kicking and screaming
Until I was submerged
Too far
To resurface without the help of another
I swore then
That you would never touch me again
You made me terrified to swim
Here you are again
Hand outstretched
Apologizing for nothing
And calling me the coward
Your voice hitting me again and again
Like a skipping stone
Let us sink one more time
To the sharp rocky bottom
Until I forget how to breathe
Underwater
My Life is a Notebook 