Betwixt the Books Discuss: Booktube, Mental Health, and Not Giving a Sh!t

Wherein Gretchen and Michaela discuss the current trend of booktubers discussing their fears and struggles when it comes to being on youtube.

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Void

Void

It would be easier to say
I’m tired of feeling such soul-shattering sadness or
Holding in a horrid degree of hate or
Crying acid tears that tear open my flesh to the soul

I wish I could scream
That my heart is being torn apart
By fiery rage or mind numbing fear
But this is not the case

It is harder to admit
That I am being consumed by
The black hole of bleakness
That comes from being unable to feel at all

Choose to Lose

Choose to Lose

Teetering on a knife’s edge
Threatening to fall
Words are all we need
To send us sprawling
To either side

What will you say?
My words hide behind a lock of fear;
Fear of heights and fear of tumbling
Fear of choosing
Fear of losing

We’re here now
There’s no going back
Someone has to speak
I’m frightened it will come to me
But God forbid its left for me to seal it

We’ve gone too far
The choice is the only way
But I’m afraid
For I see loss on either side
So what do we choose to lose?

Shared Tears

Shared Tears

You call us together
To talk about the problem
Well my dear
We are the problem

Adversaries
Where there should be friends
Resentment
Where there should be love
Punches
Where there should be hugs
Screaming
Where there should be laughs

Have we even got any of the good left?

Threaten to his unblinking face
To kick him out
But the salt streams are on my cheeks
We are bound by tenuous threads
Now that most of them have shattered

So shout some more
Doesn’t matter if I’m upstairs
I can hear you through the ceiling
As I huddle on the floor
Shedding the last thing we share

Tears

September 28th – The Mirror

The Mirror

I told my father
To take the mirror down
Because I didn’t want it

I lied

I meant
Take it away!
I don’t want it

I can’t stand it

I tell myself
It’s a hurtful liar
It twists my image

I know that’s not true

The mirror shows what’s real
It shows me what it
Nothing more

It’s not its fault I hate the reflection

The mirror isn’t to blame
For my self-loathing
For the image I put in it

But it makes me feel better to say so

So today like any other
I tried to avoid it
But messed up

I looked

And I stopped
And I stared
And I stared

Maybe the mirror can stay

September 19th – Everything’s Fine

Everything’s Fine

So I’ll give you some grand advice
Say some insightful words
Tell a joke to make you laugh
I want to keep you talking
After all
Something’s wrong with me
And this way
I look like I’m okay
I know how to do it now
You like to get on a roll
This way you won’t ask me
How I’m doing
And I’ll never have to tell the truth

August 16th – Call Me a Coward

Call Me a Coward

Call me a coward
Please
It’s simpler
It’s what I do
When given the chance
I have no faith in me
But that’s okay
It’s safe
It’s good
Call me a coward

Call me a coward
Please
Believe me
Don’t make me do things
That scare me
So what
If you think I can do it
I don’t
I know best
Call me a coward

Call me a coward
Why won’t you
You push me out of my comfort zone
You give me no choice
I do what you say
No matter how frightening
No matter how dangerous
Because I have no options
But I beg you
Call me a coward

Call me a coward
Thank all that you won’t
Now I see
What I can do
THat maybe I can
Do more than I think
And I’ve got some courage
Somewhere deep inside
I’m so glad you could see it
Now call me a coward

I dare you