Contradictions

Contradictions

I’m afraid of being right

I’m afraid of being wrong

I’m afraid of being quiet

I’m afraid of being loud

I’m afraid of blending in

I’m afraid of sticking out

I’m afraid of speaking my mind

I’m afraid of never being heard

I’m afraid of taking risks

I’m afraid of having regrets

I’m afraid of following my heart

I’m afraid of losing its beat

I’m afraid of finding love

I’m afraid of losing it

I’m afraid of my dreams

I’m afraid of never achieving them

I’m afraid of not being me

I’m afraid I’m a contradiction

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When You’re Not Looking

When You’re Not Looking

Love, they say, is an elusive thing
That you can catch
Out of the corner of your eye
But disappears when you turn
But I went after it anyways
Wearing the camouflage
All the other girls wore
Emulating their tactics
Blending in with the group

Days passed
Months perhaps
And I found no glimpse of success
So the other girls
Thickened their paint
And stomped through the underbrush
Hoping to be obvious
To be caught
But me?

I washed of my pretend skin
I turned my back
Later I would say
It was because I learned to love myself
But that was a lie
I wasn’t being strong
I didn’t love being unique
I only laughed so loud
Because I thought no one cared

And then one day
I turned around and gasped
For it’s funny what you find when you’re not looking

Moments

Moments

In the moment
Words fade
To useless nothings
That have no hope to express
What I feel

In the moment
I faltered
I fell back
I stalled
For my thoughts had abandoned me

In the moment
I had no idea what to say
Or what I wanted
How I felt
Or where it would lead

In a moment
You were gone

In a moment
I knew

Choose to Lose

Choose to Lose

Teetering on a knife’s edge
Threatening to fall
Words are all we need
To send us sprawling
To either side

What will you say?
My words hide behind a lock of fear;
Fear of heights and fear of tumbling
Fear of choosing
Fear of losing

We’re here now
There’s no going back
Someone has to speak
I’m frightened it will come to me
But God forbid its left for me to seal it

We’ve gone too far
The choice is the only way
But I’m afraid
For I see loss on either side
So what do we choose to lose?

Take Away

Take Away

Take away my things
Take away my pride
Take away my smile
Take away my laugh
Take away my self-respect
Take away my courage
Take away my love
Take away my happiness
Take away my tears
Take away my truth
Take away my friends
Take away my sanctuary
Take away my sanity
Take away my music
Take away my breath
Take away my soul
Take away my life

Take away everything I am but that only
Takes away my love for you

I Tried

I Tried

I tried, love
To stem the tides
To beat back the flames
But I lost the battle
I’m so ashamed
How did we come to this?

I tried, love
To not let it cut
To keep an optimistic perspective
I held them back when they would hurt you
But somehow I lost my way
I joined their side

I tried, love
To keep my heart glad to see you
To fill myself with trust of you
But I held on until I bled
And the wounds could not be healed
And sorry became a useless plea

I tried, love
But I will not live with the self-loathing
That comes from hating you

Why I’m Here

(FYI, this piece was written off a prompt for “Why are you here?” and to make it as crazy, bragging and laugh-inducing as possible. It’s a wonderful thing to do when you’re feeling down, I promise!)

Why I’m Here

Because I am 16
And I haven’t lived yet
I’m here because I have just self-published a book
And I want to sell a million copies
I haven’t seen Japan yet
I haven’t learned to ride a motorcycle yet
But I am the manager of a 50 person dining room
And the editor of a magazine with 3,000 people who read it
I haven’t seen all my friends face-to-face yet
And no one’s able to fly
And I want recognition
Happiness
Love
And peace
But I’m still trying to figure out what all that means
I’m here because my brothers need me
I’m here because my parents want me
No one can fix broken bonds yet
But I want to be the first one
And I want to see a world of peace
With no pollution
War
or greed
And I’m going to make that happen
I am here because I haven’t signed an agent
I haven’t found a publisher
But someday I want to see my title be a NY Times bestseller
I am here because I want to live
And my dreams have stopped the darkness in my heart
I am here because I have something to say
And I haven’t said enough yet

Poetry Potluck–Love and Romance: Where Are You?

This is my entry for the Monday Poetry Potluck over here: http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/2010/10/poetry-potluck-love-and-romance.html!

Where Are You?

I see you in my dreams
My love
I see you when I wake

I hear you in the radio’s songs
And the trills of the birds in the trees
I know all of your favorite things
And just what you love about me
I understand your moods
And all your little quirks
I can tell when you are holding back a laugh
And the tears you hate to have fall
I know everything about you
And you know everything about me

I see you in my dreams
My love
I see you when I wake

Now all you need to do
My love
Is enter reality

Tell Me Why

Tell Me Why

Tell me why
You think you can lean on me
With your problems
When all they do is scare me

Tell me why
You think I can solve your issues
That have nothing to do with me
Since it’s your decision

Tell me why
You think you can abuse my love
And make me your scapegoat
And punching bag

Tell me why
You think I can handle
All the stuff in your life
That you clearly can’t

Tell me why
You think I care anymore

September 29th – Songs on the Radio

Songs on the Radio

So you listen to the radio
Singing your heart out
Wishing with all you’ve got
That person in the song was you

You sing a little louder now
Trying to block the tears
The world in the lyrics sounds perfect
Why can’t you live there too?

You want to believe
You want to find love
You want to live your dreams
You want to discover yourself

Hold on to your faith, your hope
For I have faith in you
One day you’ll hear a melody and smile for
That person in the song is you