Contradictions

Contradictions

I’m afraid of being right

I’m afraid of being wrong

I’m afraid of being quiet

I’m afraid of being loud

I’m afraid of blending in

I’m afraid of sticking out

I’m afraid of speaking my mind

I’m afraid of never being heard

I’m afraid of taking risks

I’m afraid of having regrets

I’m afraid of following my heart

I’m afraid of losing its beat

I’m afraid of finding love

I’m afraid of losing it

I’m afraid of my dreams

I’m afraid of never achieving them

I’m afraid of not being me

I’m afraid I’m a contradiction

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Pieces of Me

Pieces of Me

You see me as the girl
High above you in the sky
Dancing on the clouds
Laughing
With my face turned ever towards the sunlight
Well
Let me tell you a secret

That girl isn’t real
She’s a ghost
Only half of herself
But yes
She’s me
See
Let me tell you a story

I fell from the clouds
Long ago
No one reached out a hand
And its fine
I wouldn’t have taken it anyway
Here
Let me tell you what happened

I shattered on the stony ground
Losing myself in a million pieces
I laid there under the pouring rain
Until somehow I found away
To pick up what was left
Well
Let me tell you a secret

I didn’t get them all
I left bits to dull in the dirt
Now I can’t fly as high because the sun hurts my eyes
It’s a cycle now
The flying, the falling, the failing

And every time I lose a little bit more

Brick Wall

Brick Wall

I suppose you could say
I hit a brick wall

Well
I didn’t just hit it

I rammed into it
With the force of a bullet

Then I shattered
And fell to dust at its base

Don’t worry about me
I’ll be okay over time

I can pick up enough pieces
To create a semblance of me again

Don’t think this is a bad thing
I never do

Because if I was broken enough
To smash and burn

Then it’s time I recreated me
To be more than I was before

Who said those brick walls
Have no use?

August 9th – Knowing Myself

Knowing Myself

When did I go
From the one
Always trying to fit in
To the one
With her foot in her mouth
Who couldn’t care less?
I always used to be the one
Molding myself
To fit whoever’s ideals
So I could be in the middle
It’s a little confusing
Because
I still have no idea
Who I am
But it would seem
Now I know
Exactly who I’m not

July 31st – Thoughtless

This date was also my mom’s birthday–Happy Birthday Mom! (Wish this poem was happier…)

Thoughtless

They say I should be proud
To hold my head up high
To get straight As
And have a job
And understand the world

They say that it’s amazing
All the things that I can do
That I can work
That I can think
That I have a million thoughts in my head

I say that I agree
That I’m proud of who I am
That I wouldn’t change a thing
That I’m okay with being this way
That I find it easy to be

I say to you now
That I am lying
That in my secret, black heart
That sometimes I wish I wasn’t me
That sometimes I wish I was thoughtless