The Question

The Question

It tugs at your mind
Like a forlorn child
Begging for attention
Whimpering to be heard
But when you dare to listen
The sound grates your ears
Like a scream
That you can still hear
When you clap your hands over your ears
To stem the bleeding
But the life force drains
Down your cheeks like tears
And you watch the droplets
Drip onto the floor
In a rhythmic staccato
Keeping time with your heartbeat
As your frantic pulse slows
As your body empties its veins
And you sink to the ground
Wondering why

Underwater

Underwater

Last time I saw you
You dragged me down with you
Kicking and screaming
Until I was submerged
Too far
To resurface without the help of another
I swore then
That you would never touch me again
You made me terrified to swim

Here you are again
Hand outstretched
Apologizing for nothing
And calling me the coward
Your voice hitting me again and again
Like a skipping stone
Let us sink one more time
To the sharp rocky bottom
Until I forget how to breathe
Underwater

The Problem

The Problem

It’s you
Thinking there is nothing wrong
Believing you
And only you
To be in the right
Telling us we’re wrong
As we look amongst each other
Wondering where your heart has gone

It’s us
Saying nothing
Hoping this is just a phase
Praying you’ll start living again
Hiding in the corners of a room
You fill with your presence
Trying not to get burned
On the fringes or to ash

It’s you
Screaming at us for the wrongs
You refuse to pin on yourself
Hurting us because you are in pain
And thus so to must we be
You think this is the right way
The only way
Because you say so

It’s us
Not telling you anything is wrong
Smiling at you from across the room
Laughing at your jokes
Pretending we’re okay
Walking on our tiptoes
In case we awaken the sleeping fury
Of all of our problems

All Goes to Pieces

I’m proud to say this is a piece I performed today, but it’s not really a piece that I think I should record. I’m currently playing with different ways to do that, and we’ll see if I actually do or just type it up at let you act it out. 😀

All Goes to Pieces

A girl kneels beside her bed
As if in prayer but not
She is staring at the blue vein in her wrist
Wondering how she got so low that she knows opening it won’t help
The house shelters her from the weather outside
Wishing it could kneel in prayer to a God she does not believe
Because it would be something more to give than four walls

But it helps the boys more
Welding the lock to their door
Not to keep them in but to keep the shouting out
The parents are upstairs
Shaking window panes and slamming doors
The house cannot keep the screaming contained
They hear it through failing walls

So the girl changes her Facebook religion to atheist
Saying “This I now know”
As the brothers lie in their bunk bed
Ashamed to admit the comfort of their solidarity
And the parents plan a vacation
That would send them each to a different corner of the country
And they welcome it

As they sit around the TV
Drowning out the wind that’s lashing the outside
The girl and the house stare at each other through the two-faced window
Both wondering if this is where it all goes to pieces

Shared Tears

Shared Tears

You call us together
To talk about the problem
Well my dear
We are the problem

Adversaries
Where there should be friends
Resentment
Where there should be love
Punches
Where there should be hugs
Screaming
Where there should be laughs

Have we even got any of the good left?

Threaten to his unblinking face
To kick him out
But the salt streams are on my cheeks
We are bound by tenuous threads
Now that most of them have shattered

So shout some more
Doesn’t matter if I’m upstairs
I can hear you through the ceiling
As I huddle on the floor
Shedding the last thing we share

Tears

September 20th – Silent Tears

Silent Tears

These walls are thin you know
I can hear the fighting through them
Screaming at each other
Each cut
Hurting him
Hurting her
Hurting me
Each thrown object
Hitting walls
Hitting floors
Hitting me
Each accusation
Stabbing him
Stabbing her
Stabbing me
They don’t know they’re killing me too
And they never will
For all I can do is cry
And tears are silent

July 19th – Five Seconds

I just wanted to say that you all are being very patient with me as I try to dig myself out of this teen angst-y hole I’m wallowing in right now. Promise I’ll try to get back to other topics soon!

Five Seconds

In five seconds
Your mood changes
From scary, screaming anger
To calm, quiet normalcy
And you think that’s okay

In five seconds
You seem to forget that
A moment ago
You were making hot tears fall
From every eye you met

In five seconds
I’m no longer the cause
Of all your misery and frustration
But the light of your life
Who’s done no wrong

In five seconds
You think I’ll forget all the hurt you’ve dealt
And move on, like you
But I can’t, and I won’t
Because my wounds can’t heal that fast

July 18th – BS

Just one more after this, I swear!

BS

You wait until he’s gone
To lash out
You call me BS
Because it’s always my fault
And you think
If you put the blame on me
Then it really is all my problem
And you’re so high and mighty
You won’t even stoop to swearing

Just call me bull shit
Or better yet
Be a man
Everything you’re blaming me for
Is everything you’ve done
And everything you’re putting me down for
Are all facets of yourself
You yell at me
Because it makes you feel better
But I wish you’d find a mirror
Then you’d be screaming at the right face
And I wouldn’t be in tears

July 7th – I Tried

After being such a champion of optimistic poetry, I know I’m being a hypocrite with all this. So, on the 7th, I tried NOT to write something depressing. Sadly, when you’re in a certain mood there is only one thing you CAN write.

I Tried

I tried
To write something
Optimistic
But found the words
Wouldn’t flow

I tried
But what do you
Expect
From someone who’s
Fighting for a smile

I tried
But then I remembered
You screaming
And how
Tears taste

I tried
But I stopped
Because lying to myself
Doesn’t make it all
Go away

July 6th – Why I Write

So … yeah. If you’re looking for optimistic poetry, give it a good scroll down. I haven’t got much lately! This one, despite the title, is no exception to that…

Why I Write

I never really asked myself
Why I write
It seemed a silly question
With a long vibrant answer

But I can’t give that today

Don’t ask my
I won’t answer in voice
But if you wait long enough
I’ll answer in words

Because that’s why I write

I can put a pen to paper
And just as easily put a mask on myself
That character there
That narrator here

They are all me

The one who cries herself to sleep
The one whose got nothing figured out
The one who always thinks they’re alone
The one who wants it all to end

Yes, the screamer is me too

I’m yelling at you, whoever you are
Wanting to be heard
Needing someone, who needn’t respond
To read my work and nod

I want you to understand

With every word, that’s what I’m doing
I’m screaming
I’m pretending
I’m begging

Today, that’s why I write