Pieces of Me

Pieces of Me

You see me as the girl
High above you in the sky
Dancing on the clouds
Laughing
With my face turned ever towards the sunlight
Well
Let me tell you a secret

That girl isn’t real
She’s a ghost
Only half of herself
But yes
She’s me
See
Let me tell you a story

I fell from the clouds
Long ago
No one reached out a hand
And its fine
I wouldn’t have taken it anyway
Here
Let me tell you what happened

I shattered on the stony ground
Losing myself in a million pieces
I laid there under the pouring rain
Until somehow I found away
To pick up what was left
Well
Let me tell you a secret

I didn’t get them all
I left bits to dull in the dirt
Now I can’t fly as high because the sun hurts my eyes
It’s a cycle now
The flying, the falling, the failing

And every time I lose a little bit more

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August 1st – Secret, Black Heart

I wrote this one after realizing I was using the phrase “secret, black heart” often in my latest poems. It sounded cool, so why not, right?

Secret, Black Heart

What is my secret, black heart?
You know what it is
Don’t be foolish
You don’t know mine
To be sure
But you know your own

Who does not have that certain place
Where jealousy rears its ugly head
Where hate boils over
Where you laugh at pain
Where you imagine causing it
Where insanity is sweet

I know you feel it
Pulsing in your chest
You try to stop it
For it scares you
But, my friend, relax–
It will never go away

Don’t look to hard within it
You’ll see what you’re capable of
Guilt will eat you up from within
Burning through your soul
And, until the end
You’ll be afraid of yourself

July 31st – Thoughtless

This date was also my mom’s birthday–Happy Birthday Mom! (Wish this poem was happier…)

Thoughtless

They say I should be proud
To hold my head up high
To get straight As
And have a job
And understand the world

They say that it’s amazing
All the things that I can do
That I can work
That I can think
That I have a million thoughts in my head

I say that I agree
That I’m proud of who I am
That I wouldn’t change a thing
That I’m okay with being this way
That I find it easy to be

I say to you now
That I am lying
That in my secret, black heart
That sometimes I wish I wasn’t me
That sometimes I wish I was thoughtless

July 29th – Over

Hey guys! You know what, this time the break wasn’t actually totally my fault. I got these really bad viruses in my computer that completely shut me down and my computer was in the shop for days getting wiped. I was pretty much a mess the entire time because my life is my computer! 😀 Yeah, I can admit it. Anyways, hopefully I’ll be able to catch up here…

Over

When did I become the one
Who wanted to see the journey end
Who wanted the whole thing to stop
Who was waiting for that day to come
With my secret, black heart

I love you
You know that
I hurt when you do
But after all this time
Even I couldn’t take this anymore

It had become your life and mine
And everyone who was close
Morning, noon, night, sleep
I never could escape it
And I knew it would hurt you if I screamed

I should have cried when it all ended
Should have hurt as you did
But all I could think of
When the last effort had failed was
Thank everything it’s over

June 10th – The Secret

I was watching this TV show earlier, and I got to thinking of secrets and love–and how much you have to love someone to keep their huge secret(s). You always see this great love story about one person who knows another person’s secret and loves them anyway or whatever, but what about the people who share those secrets? If they love the other person, why would they share life or death secrets? There are multiple answers to that question, I know, but this is my response to one way to look at it.

The Secret

You told me a secret
And begged me to keep it
With my life
I said yes
With no fear in my heart
Because I loved you too much
For that
But now your secret
Is rattling
The bars of its cage
And screaming
Inside my mind
So much
That now I have to ask myself
How much I love you
Does my heart hold
Enough strength
To keep your secret
Locked within
Or will my love
Shatter from strain–
No
I love you
My dear
That I know truly
Though your secret’s magnitude
Threatens to kill me
I’ll keep it
But because of it
Too
I’m left to wonder
Not if I love you
But if you love me