July 30th – Mediator, Traitor

Look, the poem that was supposed to be here days ago!

Mediator, Traitor

They call me the Peacekeeper
The friend in the middle
The sibling in the center
Holding up the caution flags
Mediating a truce
They tell me that I’m wonderful
That I’m a true friend
But I don’t feel the same

I don’t want to be the one
Sorting out the facts
I don’t want to be the one
Taking all the blows
I don’t want to be the one
On whom you unload all your crap

I hate to break it to you
But I’m not bulletproof

I love you
I love her
I love him
I love them
But after all this time
Somehow I’ve lost my love of me

You say I play the mediator
But I call myself a traitor
Because I’ve lost my own sense of justice
Trying to appease you all

I tell you I think the same
I tell her I think the same
I tell him I think the same
I tell them I think the same
But what I really think
Has been lost
Because I much too afraid
Of losing
You
Her
Him
Them

They call me Peacekeeper
The one with all the patience
The one who sees it all
But someday I’m going to lose it
And find myself

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July 29th – Over

Hey guys! You know what, this time the break wasn’t actually totally my fault. I got these really bad viruses in my computer that completely shut me down and my computer was in the shop for days getting wiped. I was pretty much a mess the entire time because my life is my computer! 😀 Yeah, I can admit it. Anyways, hopefully I’ll be able to catch up here…

Over

When did I become the one
Who wanted to see the journey end
Who wanted the whole thing to stop
Who was waiting for that day to come
With my secret, black heart

I love you
You know that
I hurt when you do
But after all this time
Even I couldn’t take this anymore

It had become your life and mine
And everyone who was close
Morning, noon, night, sleep
I never could escape it
And I knew it would hurt you if I screamed

I should have cried when it all ended
Should have hurt as you did
But all I could think of
When the last effort had failed was
Thank everything it’s over

July 5th – Denial

All right, all right–I really am trying to keep up over here! I’m always writing, but I’m just not posting. Life and stuff has been busying and otherwise in the way. I suppose I can let my poetry be a testament to that.

Denial

When did this change?
When did it go from fun
To horrid?
From easy
To hard?
I don’t know
But I want to
Because I can’t take the tears

I don’t want to think
That I know why she walked out
The thoughts hurt my head
And blur my vision
With red
I’ll live in denial
Just to make this stop

Because I don’t want to understand
Her why
And I know want to understand
Her feelings
Because if I admit I know
All her reasoning
Then I’ll know my blackest dream
Can be achieved
And I could survive it
So I’ll leave too

June 20th – A Different Kind of Love

I know I wrote this whole thing about not writing dark things yesterday, but sadly my pencil decided to jump onto that bandwagon again today! Don’t even ask me where it came from because I’ve never felt this way before, but there you have it. Perhaps I will have happier messages tomorrow!

A Different Kind of Love

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Chaining me to the wall
And locking me away
Because the outside is dangerous

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Blind folding my eyes
To block out the light and the dark
So my sight would stay unblemished

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Telling me everything about me is awful
So that I would be too afraid
To share it with the world

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Silencing the truth of my heart
So I could lie to myself
That all this is good for me

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Belittling myself always
And hating my own soul
So I could love another

I wasn’t aware that love meant
Learning to stand up for myself
And let go

June 15th – My Corner

Today’s poem started out when my mom told my, for the millionth time, to “Get out of my corner.” ‘My corner,’ by the way, is my room, where she says I spend far too much time without even a window up. Well, maybe that’s true… I promise I’m going outside after I post this, I promise! 😀

My Corner

I like my corner
This is my domain
Where I am the master
And what you say
Does not go

You would have me leave my corner
For you say all this time here
IS not good for me
And that I should
See more than its walls

You tell about my corner
Threaten to throw away
All that keeps me here
And say that I am
Only hurting myself

But you should love my corner
For someday I
Will leave it forever
And you’ll only be able to
Wish I was sitting there

June 13th – Silence

This weekend I rarely had a moment to myself, and my ears were constantly assaulted with noise. Now, I don’t mind, but after a while it gets to you. The fact that I’m claustrophobic doesn’t help things either. Today, though, the source of most of the noise went away and I got to get back to simple silence, hence today’s poem.

Silence

Oh Silence
How I have missed
Your quiet bliss
And cold caress
My mind has been
Nothing but chaos
Since you left
You abandoned me
To the violent throes
Of incessant talk and
Crushing sound waves
That made my head
Pound like a thousand war drums
Until my eyes started dancing
With stars
And twitching
To the beat
So I had to sit
Lest I fall
Into a black abyss
You have brought
The sweet darkness with you
Silence
And returned the simple pleasure
Of having a moment
To breathe
Oh Silence
How I have missed you

May 26th – Planning

I was thinking about things today and listening to some people talking about something and … well, I realized how much of our lives we waste on planning things instead of implementing them–or, better yet, all the time people say they’re planning but are instead doing nothing. Today’s poem is another list poem, which I seem to enjoy writing for some reason I cannot define.

Planning

Planning, planning

Always planning

–

Drawing maps

Making outlines

Researching info

Creating slides

Accumulating papers

Reading books

Brainstorming ideas

Talking lots

–

Doing nothing

Wasting time

Avoiding work

Ditching assignments

Ignoring commands

Doodling nonsense

Chucking ideas

Hiding fear

–

Planning, planning

Always planning

–

How about

Doing something?

May 21st – Caged

To tell you the truth, it took me two false starts to have this poem come out, so I guess the third time really is the charm! Not overly optimistic again today, but oh well!

Caged

The cages of childhood

Holding you in

The fledgling sense of adulthood

Beating the bars

They bind the ties tighter and you start

Screaming please don’t–

–

Don’t try to keep me here

Don’t cover my ears

Don’t blindfold my eyes

Don’t blackout my world

Don’t think I’m happy here

Don’t chain me here forever

–

But no one’s taking off the covering

Shining light in

The chains binding your aren’t

Getting any looser

You get the sinking feeling no one’s ever

Letting you out