September 21st – Falling Apart

Falling Apart

Fall apart, World
Go ahead
Watch me care
Are you crumble around me
Watch me laugh
At your icy silence
Watch me grow stronger
When you hurt me
What me hold the tears
As you let sorrow rain
Watch me do it all alone
If you take away my friends
Go ahead, World
Watch me fall apart

September 20th – Silent Tears

Silent Tears

These walls are thin you know
I can hear the fighting through them
Screaming at each other
Each cut
Hurting him
Hurting her
Hurting me
Each thrown object
Hitting walls
Hitting floors
Hitting me
Each accusation
Stabbing him
Stabbing her
Stabbing me
They don’t know they’re killing me too
And they never will
For all I can do is cry
And tears are silent

August 15th – The Finish Line

The Finish Line

It’s that moment
When you’re convinced
It can’t rain harder
Your feet can’t ache less
Your head can’t pounder harder
Your heart can’t fracture anymore
The bottom just gets lower
Going on is much too painful
Even though you’re so numb
No thoughts enter your mind
But ‘Keep going’
Though you’re not sure
Why you do
So you let your hood down
And let the rain drench you
Pretending your tears
Are just droplets
Just as the finish line
Comes into sight

August 6th – When

I’m BAAACK! And so excited to be! The 6 hr jet lag I’m still experiencing is NOT the funnest thing I’ve ever done but the trip was SO COMPLETELY WORTH IT and I’m STILL basking in its afterglow. I’ve got literally pages of comments to sort through, so I hope you’ll bear with me as I try to get to all of your blogs!

When

How do you prepare
When you know something’s coming?
When you know you can’t avoid it?
When you know it will have to hurt?

What do you say
When words can’t make it right?
When speech means nothing?
When nothing would be changed?

How do you know
When to let it all go?
When to take some steps forward?
When to let yourself cry?

July 26th – The Nightmare

Don’t you love nightmares? Yeah, me neither…

The Nightmare

I didn’t think
I could have
A nightmare
About you
The thought never
Would have occurred to me
Awake
But last night
You were there
Hating me
Hurting me
Making me cry
I feel sick
Even now
How did this happen?
Why did this dream
Feel so real?
How come I can’t
Shake the feeling
Now that I know it
Supposedly
Wasn’t real?

July 20th – Coward, Survivor

HA! I wrote something that isn’t blatantly depressing. Score! 😀 Anyways, this is also one of the first days in ever I’ve actually posted a poem a day. I think I should try fixing that, don’t you? No, we haven’t had this discussion before… 😀

Coward, Survivor

I can hear you laughing
Calling me a coward
Saying I’m weak
As my hands clench this threadbare rope
That’s keeping me from falling
Into your black abyss
My palms are bleeding
The drops falling down
Where they streak my face like tears
But I’m not letting go

I can hear you laughing
Calling me a coward
Saying I’m too afraid to face it
But here’s the facts
I might be hurting
But that’s just proof I can still feel
That I’m alive
You weren’t afraid
You let go
Now you don’t feel, don’t live

I can hear you laughing
Calling me a coward
Saying I’m less than you
But who you call a coward
I call a survivor
You’re the one who took the easy road
And let go
Laugh all you want from down there
Where you can’t see the light
This survivor sees a sunrise coming

July 19th – Five Seconds

I just wanted to say that you all are being very patient with me as I try to dig myself out of this teen angst-y hole I’m wallowing in right now. Promise I’ll try to get back to other topics soon!

Five Seconds

In five seconds
Your mood changes
From scary, screaming anger
To calm, quiet normalcy
And you think that’s okay

In five seconds
You seem to forget that
A moment ago
You were making hot tears fall
From every eye you met

In five seconds
I’m no longer the cause
Of all your misery and frustration
But the light of your life
Who’s done no wrong

In five seconds
You think I’ll forget all the hurt you’ve dealt
And move on, like you
But I can’t, and I won’t
Because my wounds can’t heal that fast

July 18th – BS

Just one more after this, I swear!

BS

You wait until he’s gone
To lash out
You call me BS
Because it’s always my fault
And you think
If you put the blame on me
Then it really is all my problem
And you’re so high and mighty
You won’t even stoop to swearing

Just call me bull shit
Or better yet
Be a man
Everything you’re blaming me for
Is everything you’ve done
And everything you’re putting me down for
Are all facets of yourself
You yell at me
Because it makes you feel better
But I wish you’d find a mirror
Then you’d be screaming at the right face
And I wouldn’t be in tears

July 7th – I Tried

After being such a champion of optimistic poetry, I know I’m being a hypocrite with all this. So, on the 7th, I tried NOT to write something depressing. Sadly, when you’re in a certain mood there is only one thing you CAN write.

I Tried

I tried
To write something
Optimistic
But found the words
Wouldn’t flow

I tried
But what do you
Expect
From someone who’s
Fighting for a smile

I tried
But then I remembered
You screaming
And how
Tears taste

I tried
But I stopped
Because lying to myself
Doesn’t make it all
Go away

July 6th – Why I Write

So … yeah. If you’re looking for optimistic poetry, give it a good scroll down. I haven’t got much lately! This one, despite the title, is no exception to that…

Why I Write

I never really asked myself
Why I write
It seemed a silly question
With a long vibrant answer

But I can’t give that today

Don’t ask my
I won’t answer in voice
But if you wait long enough
I’ll answer in words

Because that’s why I write

I can put a pen to paper
And just as easily put a mask on myself
That character there
That narrator here

They are all me

The one who cries herself to sleep
The one whose got nothing figured out
The one who always thinks they’re alone
The one who wants it all to end

Yes, the screamer is me too

I’m yelling at you, whoever you are
Wanting to be heard
Needing someone, who needn’t respond
To read my work and nod

I want you to understand

With every word, that’s what I’m doing
I’m screaming
I’m pretending
I’m begging

Today, that’s why I write