The Story of the History Textbook

I just want to say that I was at this writing retreat today, so I’m stuck with an interesting issue–I’ve got too MUCH poetry for the blog! I really want to share them all with you, and if one of my friend’s gets his way I will post me actually performing one. (Not likely! :D) But here is one of my first ones of today, for now.

The Story of the History Textbook

I am a parallelogram with the power of transformation
I hold a million things you have yet to learn
My world is black and white
But I know the colors of the rainbow

I know of the worlds you have longed to see
I understand the stories of a thousand men
What you would consider time travel
I call everyday life

I would tell you all of this
I would show you more
But you leave me drowned in dust
Unable to change my form

I cannot speak though I know every human word
I cannot plead with you in my own sentences
I must explain only the words of others
While you struggle to comprehend

Is that why you have left me
Dirty, untouched and unloved?
I’d beg for your acceptance
If only the letters were my own

Crack in the Wall

Crack in the Wall

There is a crack in the wall
See?
In the corner!
Its minute fissures have spread like vines
Wanting to grow
Begging me to water them
Will I?
Once there would have been no question
But now–
Well
Life, my friend, is not an easy game to play
Let alone master
But…
That crack is taunting me
Calling me
Pleading
“One easy smash,” it says
“Will shatter the wall to dust”
“And it will be like it never existed–”
Be silent!
Leave me be
Let me stare in silence
At the light peeking through
Maybe the sun will be a kinder persuader or
Better
It will leave me in peace
For it’s hard to justify the crumbling
Of a wall I built
To keep life out

September 30th – The Cost

The Cost

You know everyone hates you
Even as they worship at your feet
But you don’t care
Because you’ve got everything they want
You’ve got everything you could ever want
And their loathing just makes it better
So you plaster on a Barbie doll smile
Give out a well-practiced wave
Toss your hair
Flash your bling
Hear them ooh and ah
Why don’t you just fashion yourself a crown?
But don’t you look to me Queen B
Don’t you ask me what I think
Because all I’ll ever give you is one sad smile
Since I know what it cost you to get here
And it doesn’t outweigh the return

September 28th – The Mirror

The Mirror

I told my father
To take the mirror down
Because I didn’t want it

I lied

I meant
Take it away!
I don’t want it

I can’t stand it

I tell myself
It’s a hurtful liar
It twists my image

I know that’s not true

The mirror shows what’s real
It shows me what it
Nothing more

It’s not its fault I hate the reflection

The mirror isn’t to blame
For my self-loathing
For the image I put in it

But it makes me feel better to say so

So today like any other
I tried to avoid it
But messed up

I looked

And I stopped
And I stared
And I stared

Maybe the mirror can stay

August 13th – Wanderer

Wanderer

Wanderer
Do you ever get lonely?
Do you ever feel like giving up?
When your feet ache
Can you stop?
Or do you trudge onward
Into blackness?

Have you family?
Have you friends?
Have you any shoulder to cry on?
If you get lost
Can you call someone?
Do you ever get lost at all?

I beg you
Find my doorstep
I’d sleep on the floor
If you came
For, Wanderer,
I was once you
And I cannot sleep
Until you find your peace

August 3rd – Prince Charming

And another…

Prince Charming

I’m looking for my Prince Charming
It seems we’ve missed each other
I’d thought I was supposed to meet him
Long before now

No, then?
You haven’t seen him?
You’re sure?
Well, thanks for your time.

Have you–
No!
I don’t want yours!
So sorry to bother you.

How about you?
Yes, you
Why won’t you answer me?
Fine, I’ll leave you alone.

Don’t worry
I won’t ask you too
I’m finally understanding
None of you know where he’s hiding
None of you can

I’m looking for my Prince Charming
And I have to find him myself

July 29th – Over

Hey guys! You know what, this time the break wasn’t actually totally my fault. I got these really bad viruses in my computer that completely shut me down and my computer was in the shop for days getting wiped. I was pretty much a mess the entire time because my life is my computer! 😀 Yeah, I can admit it. Anyways, hopefully I’ll be able to catch up here…

Over

When did I become the one
Who wanted to see the journey end
Who wanted the whole thing to stop
Who was waiting for that day to come
With my secret, black heart

I love you
You know that
I hurt when you do
But after all this time
Even I couldn’t take this anymore

It had become your life and mine
And everyone who was close
Morning, noon, night, sleep
I never could escape it
And I knew it would hurt you if I screamed

I should have cried when it all ended
Should have hurt as you did
But all I could think of
When the last effort had failed was
Thank everything it’s over

July 26th – The Nightmare

Don’t you love nightmares? Yeah, me neither…

The Nightmare

I didn’t think
I could have
A nightmare
About you
The thought never
Would have occurred to me
Awake
But last night
You were there
Hating me
Hurting me
Making me cry
I feel sick
Even now
How did this happen?
Why did this dream
Feel so real?
How come I can’t
Shake the feeling
Now that I know it
Supposedly
Wasn’t real?

July 9th – It’ll Get Better

Hello again! Yeah, I know, it’s been a few days … oops. I’m TRYING!! 😀 Anyways, I’d just want to let you know that I am trying to get to visiting everyone who was amazing enough to comment on me and if I missed you I’m very sorry. I was literally going through pages of comments! You guys are amazing! Here’s July 9th’s poem:

It’ll Get Better

They always say
It’ll get better
On the days when
You won’t believe it
So you take the words
And tear them up
Into tiny shattered pieces

They always say
It’ll get better
On the days when
You’re convinced it won’t
Because your bleeding heart
Is saying
It’ll only get worse

They always say
It’ll get better
On the days when
The dark is strongest
And you’ve bottomed out
So they know
The only was to go is up

They always say
It’ll get better
On the days when
They see you’ve lost hope
Because they know that you need a reminder
That nothing is horrible forever because
It’ll always get better